My new life http://findinghome.posterous.com Working through starting out again somewhere new posterous.com Sat, 01 Oct 2011 00:47:58 -0700 Selfish http://findinghome.posterous.com/selfish http://findinghome.posterous.com/selfish I want to share this, as a friend. But it's selfish of me - it would probably put me back if I read similar things from you (though don't let that discourage you). But our relationship was about beauty, and about words, and I want to keep these with you. So, I want to share this.

These three poems came to me very quickly but I do feel that they say what I wanted to, though they haven't given me a feeling of release, so perhaps they don't.

Enjoy, Caroline

Your warmth

We would go to yours
So the void doesn’t haunt me
Except sometimes
When it’s cold, like it was that night
Then I crave your warmth
And my bed is a desert

In the night


What circadian rhythm, what chemical release

That, like clockwork, stirs us from our slumber

With heat where there had only been warmth

I turn and drape my arm over you

You shuffle sideways into my lap, just touching

The heat radiates

 

What circadian rhythm, what chemical release

Triggers, like clockwork, this exhilarating routine


K.I.

 

From the veranda, we hear the ocean

You sit on the railing

I face you, standing between your legs

I lift you up and take you into the house

Inside, we rock together like the waves

We're dancing, responding to touch and motion

Deepening our bond

This has beauty

But we’re driven onwards, pulled by conveyor belt

Inside you, I’m constrained

We're disjointed, unequal

Pleasure, but not beauty

 

Now we’re apart, and it’s the rocking that I miss

The touch, the response

My golden-skinned canvas

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http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/363910/P1010827.JPG http://posterous.com/users/3sIU8yjI5NDP Alex Maskiell Alex Alex Maskiell
Wed, 08 Jun 2011 07:19:30 -0700 'Australia' http://findinghome.posterous.com/australia http://findinghome.posterous.com/australia "What’s the matter with you people? Sponge on you, burn your house down, murder your wife, rape your child – that’s all right. But not have a drink with you? Don’t have a flaming bloody drink with you? That’s a criminal offence! That’s the end of the bloody world!" Wake in Fright

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http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/363910/P1010827.JPG http://posterous.com/users/3sIU8yjI5NDP Alex Maskiell Alex Alex Maskiell
Thu, 26 May 2011 06:46:20 -0700 Simple wisdom http://findinghome.posterous.com/simple-wisdom http://findinghome.posterous.com/simple-wisdom I guess there are probably different types of wisdom. What I'm going to call here 'simple wisdom' is wisdom that's grounded squarely in reality, is profound, and is delivered by someone who doesn't have the slightest regard for being considered wise. I knew a guy in Brisbane who was a sage of this kind of wisdom. I think he drove forklifts for a living, he definitely worked long hours, and he also had a baby a couple of years back, when he was probably about 23. There I was studying and working a bit while he was doing 60 hour weeks and bringing up a child. He never went to uni, probably hadn't read much literature or philosophy, just learned through life experience I guess.

I saw a few guys tonight at a sports thing I'm involved with and as I was leaving I had a chat with one of them - another guy who went straight from school to work. I noted that it was Thursday night again, and that weekends were starting to come round faster and faster for me. He endorsed my sentiment at first before slipping in a powerful warning:

Then you start wishing the weeks away to get to the weekend, and all of a sudden it's the end of the year and you think, "shit, where did the year go?". And before you know it you're 50 years old and you think, "shit, where did my life go?" I sat at my desk wishing it away.

Full-frontal, straight to the point, no frills wisdom. 

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http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/363910/P1010827.JPG http://posterous.com/users/3sIU8yjI5NDP Alex Maskiell Alex Alex Maskiell
Sun, 22 May 2011 04:45:37 -0700 Light bulb? No, Eureka. http://findinghome.posterous.com/light-bulb-no-eureka http://findinghome.posterous.com/light-bulb-no-eureka Sundays seems to always have a beneficial effect on one's reflective abilities. Having only watched a couple of films this year I attemped a catch up today with two at the National Film and Sound Archives (NFSA) cinema. There was roughly an hour between them and that was enough to motivate me to pull out my pad and get down some thoughts, something I've been slack on lately. Obviously the right bits of the brain started ticking over because it was only a minute or two into the second film that a bomb went off inside me. For years and years I've felt that I'm passionate about culture. That passion has led me to travel to very different places, attempt a handful of different languages, involve myself in diverse communities, study international development, and finally pursue work in foreign affairs and international policy. There are few things I've been more sure of than my love of different cultures. But as I sat watching the opening scene of 'women without men', a beautifully shot and powerful Iranian film, I realized, and promptly grabbed my pad out to scribble in the dark, that it's not culture, it's humanity.   

Culture, to me, describes the practices and languages of different groups (normally I'm thinking of different countries). I now realize that what has always filled me with wonder is the common humanity that exists across vastly different cultures. Fragility, compassion, love, grief. It's humanity I love - different cultures have just provided the strongest proof of these common traits, a case of correlation being mistaken for causality, if you like.

This may seem a trivial point, what does the distinction really mean? It means it's not about the differences, though these are obviously valuable too, it's about the similarities that exist despite the differences. It's about being in love with what makes good people good. The upshot is more room for wonderment, for joy at living and sharing life with others. The difference possesses liberation and vitality, and to me, it's a little revelation.   

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http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/363910/P1010827.JPG http://posterous.com/users/3sIU8yjI5NDP Alex Maskiell Alex Alex Maskiell
Fri, 13 May 2011 04:36:00 -0700 Friday night http://findinghome.posterous.com/escapism http://findinghome.posterous.com/escapism

Hey C,

Just cooked up a big potato, onion, yam, squash & tempeh curry, loaded with spices. There was ground cumin and turmeric, plus a sprinkle of a few pre-mixed spices (coriander, mustard seeds, fennel seeds, cumin) and some bay leaves thrown in too. Quinoa with cardamom pods to go with. Didn't taste that good, my food usually doesn't, but I enjoy it because I know how much goodness it has.

I've been restless all day today...sometimes when I think about where I want to get to spiritually & emotionally, I wonder if I'll ever get there. The difference is in kind, not just degree. The gap doesn't phase me though - slow and steady.

I washed out your container just now and will return in when I see you. After a week of having mushroom & ginger juice/sauce in it, though, I don't know if it can ever be used for anything else hah.

Do you have plans for Sunday afternoon? Maybe I can ride round to your enormous new abode.

I'm writing this thinking I'll put it on my blog too. Can you tell? Do I sound different?

I know you're real but I would write this even if you weren't.

Looking forward to seeing you again.

Alex

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http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/363910/P1010827.JPG http://posterous.com/users/3sIU8yjI5NDP Alex Maskiell Alex Alex Maskiell
Sat, 23 Apr 2011 04:51:31 -0700 I'll write you http://findinghome.posterous.com/ill-write-you http://findinghome.posterous.com/ill-write-you Am now pissed off having spent about 10 minutes looking for your last message - where's it gone?! Now how will I know what to say?

Am enjoying the long weekend. Even these 2 days have felt much longer than a regular weekend, because on a regular weekend you're already starting to think about Monday on about Saturday arv.

The house is a bit lonely, but I quite like the tinge of sadness.

Hope you are well : )

Alex

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http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/363910/P1010827.JPG http://posterous.com/users/3sIU8yjI5NDP Alex Maskiell Alex Alex Maskiell
Wed, 30 Mar 2011 03:35:29 -0700 I see the dark http://findinghome.posterous.com/i-see-the-dark http://findinghome.posterous.com/i-see-the-dark A few years ago I sat down at the computer in my hotel room in the Southern tip of Korea and, with a map on the screen, I set out to find where I would live. My criteria were: high gdp per capita, high education per capita, not too highly religious, and favourable weather - namely it couldn't rain too much and it had to get to at least 20 degrees in Summer. I ended up choosing Sweden, particularly Gothernburg and Malmo because they were warmer than Stockholm and they also had the advantage of having some major management consultancies nearby, which I thought was the direction I was heading in at the time.

Roughly 3 years later I moved to Canberra and felt like I had found what I'd wanted. The gdp, the education, no problems with religion, and good weather too. Farmers' markets, community gardens, museums, art galleries, yoga; a cultural oasis, not the breadth and depth of Melbourne or Sydney, but compensated for by the absence of the seedier side of those bigger cities.

Today I realized that Canberra isn't without a darker side. I've been out to some of the rougher suburbs but have never hung around long enough to get much of a feel for them, but today I was stuck at a bus stop not too far from my work and I saw the same signs of poverty and hardship that I've seen a fair bit of in Brisbane. Nothing extreme of course, just frustrated young guys acting threateningly, people with mental illness, a mum and her teenage kids yelling at each other. But still, it was a wake up call. I already knew that there's government housing spread all around Canberra, including across the street from me, in fact the police were outside my house this morning talking to a guy, but it was this afternoon that really brought home that Canberra has city-problems too. It's a work in progress like the others, it needs work and committed citizens and volunteers to do it. Probably a good thing really... we all like a project.

At the same time, I had a stark reminder of just how much we dictate our own happiness. The mum and her kids got on the same bus as me, sitting several rows apart from each other. The kids kept calling out, 'Mum, mummmm, mum! Mumm'. When they got off, the bus driver said to them 'be good to your mum, hey?', and then patiently answered the young girl's questions about this and that. The family lit up a bit and waved as the bus pulled away. When I got off, the driver and I had a quick chat and he smiled and laughed. Bus drivers aren't known for being warm and personable and the meeting reminded me of a quote (that I've now found), "The greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our disposition, and not our circumstances. We carry the seeds of the one or the other about with us in our minds wherever we go." - Martha Washington, the first First Lady of the US. Of course, there are plenty of other quotes to say the same thing, but it always bears remembering and it's nice to be reminded by someone living it - the local friendly bus driver.
 

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Thu, 10 Mar 2011 04:20:03 -0800 The life you dream of http://findinghome.posterous.com/the-life-you-dream-of http://findinghome.posterous.com/the-life-you-dream-of
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The life I dream of, the one I tell myself I'll live when I'm travelling and then proceed to abandon when I return, is one of extraordinary variety and culture. I hoped that moving from student to full time worker would give me some more free time, and it has. So there. I think there are 2 broad schools of thought on the work vs study debate: 1) It's better being a student coz you can sleep in and your schedule is way more flexible; 2) It's better working because your free time is really your free time. I think I'm firmly in the second camp.

I went to a concert tonight with 2 of the people I live with, one of whom is an artist and works in the school of arts at Canberra Institute of Technology. The concert was in a house in Canberra, probably an audience of about 25 people. The group was a string trio; violin, guitar, and altered double bass. Listening to them play made me remember how much depth there can be to music, easily forgotten if you don't usually get past gym and pub music. Like reading Shakespeare after Twilight maybe. Being invited into a stranger's house, being able to close your eyes and feel the music right there, resonating in a way recorded music doesn't, this is the stuff of the life I've dreamed of. A life of culture, of beauty. And best of all, there was no niggling concern over papers I should be reading, no trace of guilt over having a great time on a weeknight.

Thank you to The String Contingent for the beautiful music, thank you to the house owners for their initiative and warmth, and thank you to my housemate and her partner for sharing Canberra's cultural scene with the household. Hopefully tonight will be the first of many such evenings.    

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http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/363910/P1010827.JPG http://posterous.com/users/3sIU8yjI5NDP Alex Maskiell Alex Alex Maskiell
Sun, 06 Mar 2011 04:00:32 -0800 R-E-S-P-E-C-T http://findinghome.posterous.com/r-e-s-p-e-c-t http://findinghome.posterous.com/r-e-s-p-e-c-t
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This is a little out of order - lots of things have happened in my first month that I could post about, but it was picking up rubbish for Clean Up Aus Day today that sparked the idea of starting another blog, so I think this is a fitting place to start. What was the inspiration? A simple connection that I hadn't made before.

As I fossicked around the fringes of the Dickson Aquatic Centre, I realized there was a theme to the rubbish scattered amongst the shrubbery. Lots of McDonalds, cans of coke and other sugary drinks, cigarette packets, and of course lots of booze bottles. It was the cigarettes in particular that made me twig: litterers disrespecting the environment and disrespecting the people around them who share that environment are people who also disrespect their own bodies. If someone hasn't yet formed the connection between what they put into their body and their personal well-being, are they really going to understand the connection between what they put into the environment and it's well-being? 

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http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/363910/P1010827.JPG http://posterous.com/users/3sIU8yjI5NDP Alex Maskiell Alex Alex Maskiell
Sun, 06 Mar 2011 03:15:34 -0800 Canberra - The Nation's Capital http://findinghome.posterous.com/canberra-the-nations-capital http://findinghome.posterous.com/canberra-the-nations-capital I remember watching a woman being intervied on tv once (on ABC, I think) and, when asked what her life philosophy was, she said to reinvent herself every 5 years. This stuck with me. So far I think I've actually averaged a quicker turn-over than 5 yearly - here's a quick summary:
0-12 Nascent: Formative identity formation, learning my sense of humour, probably the biggest thing to come out of this phase was a strong grounding of values via my parents.
13-15 Foreshadowing: Early high school years. Working hard, pretty highly strung, trying to stay true to myself and paying the price for doing so.
16-19 Lost: Sick of paying the price, decide that fitting in is easier. Sick of being in the schooling, and then the university, systems and not understanding why I'm doing what I'm doing.
20-24 Found: Finding motivation and direction, constructing and solidifying my identity, and learning to stay true to the real me. Still prone to extremes.

And now is the next phase. 25 - Consolidation: A new life in Canberra and a fulltime work lifestyle. So far it's been pretty easy to keep ahead of the 5 year curve but I think it's only going to get harder from here on in. This blog is about working through this latest phase and building a new life in Canberra from the ground up. But it's also just a reason to keep doing what I started doing probably around the end of my 'Lost' phase, in fact it was one of the things that helped me get my head above water again: reflecting on life and how I feel about it, and wondering what this might mean.     

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http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/363910/P1010827.JPG http://posterous.com/users/3sIU8yjI5NDP Alex Maskiell Alex Alex Maskiell